I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
