your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
