The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
