I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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