i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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