I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
