remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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