I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
