it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
