So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
a search helicopter?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
