Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
