this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she looked like the before picture.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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