So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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