I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
