Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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