I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
