I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
