What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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