K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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