How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
