Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
