2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
