I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
