did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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