Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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