I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
