he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
