She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
