Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
