he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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