addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
