Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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