I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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