you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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