Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
