Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
