i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
