Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
