o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
