I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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