i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
