just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize