I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
