I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
