It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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