If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
