My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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