Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
