Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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