But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
only you would photoshop your dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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