He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
