every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
