look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
