I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
