actually, I'm a sock model
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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