I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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