In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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