The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
