Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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