I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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