Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
