yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you had me at cake vodka
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
