Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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