theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
