I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
