We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
