I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
