Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
