he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
