I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
