there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
