walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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