clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
