Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
